LTC pre-camp briefing; Decisions

Yesterday, we went to have dinner at somewhere near Sembawang Beach. We were as usual, talking and sorts.

Then Father spoke something that made me wonder. What have I been doing all these months? Why did I chose this route?

I thought I entered Junior College because I won't be able to suit Polytechnic life. Now, I realised. All those reasons about me not getting used to Poly life etc etc etc, are all fake. I entered JC on one reason, hopefully, Father will be proud of me.

All this years, my two brothers outshone me. My youngest brother is the brightest in the family. My younger brother scored well in both his PSLE and midyear examinations. He did way better than me. My two brothers are prefects. I never was one. My two brothers got good results, my results sucked. Whatever I do, I never outshine my brothers. My PSLE was bad, I was nearly into Normal Academic. My Secondary School was lousy, and my results were not at the top. I thought my O'level was good, but it wasn't. My father's friends' children did better than me. I thought, prehaps, if I got into a good JC, my father will be proud. But, my current results are not satisfactory at all.

I was never there, at the front. All I wanted out of my father is for him to be proud of me. I thought by going into Nanyang, my father will at least be happy. I thought by going into JC, he will be proud of me. But now I know. Unless I get into Hwa Chong, my father will never be proud. But it never happened. It never and will never will.

LTC is going to be tough. Mr Gurmit Singh cheerfully put so. Sigh.