Monday blues

i can't get myself out of bed today. i'm still half asleep as i walked over to the other side of the room to on the light. then i flopped back into bed again.

i told myself over the weekend that i must score in whatever i'm doing. because o'levels are coming and all sorts. but i failed. today.

first is mrs goh's speed tests. we're supposed to complete a set of questions in 10 mins. but i failed. not to complete all. but failed to improve from my previous speed test. i did worst. much worst.

and to add on, she said that O's results will be out on friday. and when i heard that, i was like "urgh.........." i just wanted a pass. not a fail. at least a pass. cos i'm preparing to retake the november paper. but.... i don't know what is planned for me.

pe pe. it's not bad today. i enjoyed myself. we played netball :) so i was pretty beat after pe.

then comes bio prac prep exam. not bad. it's the first time i had fun while doing it. but i made a few embarassing mistakes.
1. i was supposed to pour the solution into a tube to put into the water bath. i poured into the BOILING tube. when i got up front, i realised my test tube cannot put inside. i was like "oh. shit." i think the teacher heard me. i had to run all the way back to my desk, which is so nicely at the back of the lab, to pour my solution into a test tube. =.=
2. we were supposed to hold a food sample above a flame under a test tube. we were supposed to stay there till the food sample turns completely black. then when my food sample (it's a biscuit by the way) turns black, i switched off the bursen burner,as in the gas supply. but my sample is still burning!! i was like blowing, fanning, the fire still cannot go off! so i ran to the sink and still try to blow. then yipeng and thulasi were there laughing. and i used the water to extinguish the fire. oh my god. how stupid can i get? argh!

i got back my physics prep. not as well as i expected. that's why i say i failed to score.

HOW CAN LIKE THIS? at this period, my studies should be improving and at its peak now. but it's at the bottom of the past two years!! HOW CAN?? no matter how much effort i put in, it always come out like that. HOW HOW??! i don't want to fail O'levels. i don't want to repeat the same mistake i made for chinese. HOWHOW?? i really wish i can see a 3 next to my name. but that is so IMPOSSIBLE. IMPOSSIBLE! i failed my emaths prep. maybe not as horribly as i imagined. but is still failed. AT A TIME LIKE THIS. gosh. i'm so frustrated over my studies. no matter how hard i try, i still cannot get the results i want. and i still got to act as if i'm so alright in coping in front of friends, family and relatives. when i get back the results on friday, all of them will know it's all a lie. a FREAKING LIE. nothing more but a LIE. i've been lying to so many people. how i wish i can just say the truth. that I CAN'T STUDY. CAN'T FREAKING STUDY!!

sigh. am i too overworked?